it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
