Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
