Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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