just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
