The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
