theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
