It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
