My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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