Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
