i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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