last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
