this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
