its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
