We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
