hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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