Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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