Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
