So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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