I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
