Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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