I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
