don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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