his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
