remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
