so explain again why im purple
no
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
