I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
