are you still at the devil's house?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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