Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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