And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
