found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
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Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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