Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
