Where did you get a picture of my penis
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
