She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
