Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
