I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
