one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
