i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
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hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
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Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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