i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The uberlube is also flammable
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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