I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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