dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
