Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
