dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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