Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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