i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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