I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
