Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
