Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
