Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
