I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
