Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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