Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
