How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
