As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
