Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
