Already got asked if we're dating
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
