Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
