So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
