My nipple is on Facebook.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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