The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just had sex on a roof
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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