i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize