do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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