6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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