and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
