Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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