um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
