Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
