Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
