i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
