What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
