im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
