is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
