Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
