that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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