friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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