I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
