I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
