omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
