my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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