why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
