Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
vagina is talking i cant
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
