And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
