Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
now i know why i became what i already was.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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